Why Going Easy on Yourself Will Allow You Not Only to DO More But Also to BE More
Are you feeling like you want to get more done yet you're not really sure of your direction right now? Or there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything you want to do? After all, lots of us are trying to homeschool, as well as run a business, organisation or team remotely.
And as we start to emerge from this lockdown/cocooning, there’s also the stress or worry of how to integrate safe working practices. You might be considering how to get your staff back to work or to your premises safely? How and when it’s okay to offer your services? How to do so in a way that protects you and your family, as well as safeguards your clients?
And what many of us do when we're in this space of wanting to get more done, or wanting to do what’s right, is we tend to give ourselves a hard time. Not intentionally and not always consciously. In fact we're rarely even aware of it. We simply say things to ourselves. Things like "Come on ……, you just need to get on with it." We look at others and think "She's just doing it, why can't I?” or “Why do you have to make things so difficult for yourself?” or “Be so indecisive or scared?”
Perhaps it's something different for you.....What do you say to yourself at these times?
And even if you don’t think you've been hard on yourself in the past, I invite you to consider some of the words and the emotive language you use on yourself, and the way they make you feel.
People sometimes tell me that it's motivating to give themselves a stern talking to. And I'd simply ask you to explore that. To get curious. To see if that really is true for you. Because I used to think the same, and now I know different!
Now I recognise that sometimes saying things like that is actually demotivating, or it doesn’t help me to get stuff done or to feel better. In fact it has the opposite effect. I see it more like bullying or a form of self abuse. Whilst this might sound harsh, if you spoke that way to someone else, you’d probably consider it rude, condescending, or plain wrong!
And if you heard someone else bullying or abusing a person you love, you'd probably jump to their defence? And yet we hardly ever recognise when we're doing that to ourselves. And even when we do, we don't do anything about it! We carry on, because quite simply, it's easier to carry on. We're in our comfort zone. Even if it doesn’t always feel comfortable, it’s our usual way of thinking. A habitual pattern.
And these habitual patterns may not even be your own. They may be from parents, carers or a first boss.
And if you recognise they are no longer serving you then it’s easier to expose and explore them. To pull on the threads, in order to unravel what this particular pattern is and what it’s given you in the past.
Once you can do this it no longer holds the same energy over you. It no longer holds the same power. And when something loses its power, it's so much easier to change.
What I know from my own experience is that transformation can happen in an instant. It doesn't have to take a long time. It doesn't have to take years to unlearn and relearn, because when something infiltrates your conscious awareness, that might be enough to cause things to drop away.
Or for you to see that it's served it’s purpose. That it’s no longer relevant, because you are no longer that person. You’re now an adult. An older, wiser, more capable and powerful human being.
For you to identify that it was coming from a fearful place. From a place of trying to protect. Now, that's no longer needed. Which means that you can let it go. Let it dissipate, or simply when it comes up, do nothing. You don't have to act on it. You don't have to feel the feelings that used to be associated with it. You can be an objective observer.
And when that happens, you free up space. You free your time. You free up emotional energy, you free up your vibration in order to be, and do more.
So the way I know to do more and to be more is to ‘go easy on yourself’. To practise self-compassion.
By noticing first. Allowing whatever feeling or thought is there. Seeing it as if you were a detective. Simply noticing and perhaps jotting it down or making a mental note. You don't have to do anything with it. You can pass on it. And what you'll find is that if you approach all of these with self compassion, and with curiosity, these thoughts will start to drop away without trying.
And not trying hard is the critical piece.
Most of us feel like we need to put in so much effort. We need to try really hard. And I can tell you from experience that simply doesn't work! Because it puts more stress and pressure on you. You feel like more of a failure when you don't achieve it or you don't live up to your standards or high expectations. Or you feel like other people are doing so much more, being so much more, or have things sussed!
Which in turn can make you think you need more effort, to try harder.
And I'm here to tell you you don’t!
I know because it’s something I practise on a regular basis.
And that's the thing about going easy on yourself. It's not an intellectual exercise. It's not something you can do with your head and just put in the effort and it'll happen. It's something that you need to experience, to go through, to actually live. And as you experience and live your practice of self-compassion, you enable transformation to simply happen without the effort.
And that’s why I say going easy on yourself will allow you not only to Do more but also to Be more!
If you’d like to explore how to be easier and more self-compassionate with yourself, I invite you to check out my online 30 Day Dance of Leadership journey.
Image by John Hain from Pixabay